number 187 aggression

last night i had dinner and we were talking about using the term hate, haters, and if we were one or not...i was like hate does not really come into my vocabulary very often these days, if ever...i don't hate anyone, and i can't really think of anything that i hate or when i get aggressive enough to use it or will up the energy to maybe want to punch someone in the head because of it.

i used to get a little angry at things, and could whip up into a total frenzy at the drop of a hat. this one time, i got pretty angry driving the car due to the fact that a really fun song came on, and when i turned it up, the passenger turned it off. we were driving along the main road heading to bondi in peak hour traffic, and this discretion in song choice by the passenger pushed the explosion button on the anger boiling pot that was bubbling away deep inside my belly at the time. there were 2 options i could have taken. option 1: smash that persons head against the window or, option 2: get out.

i chose option 2. as the driver of the car, i thought this would have public impact, and i was not going to be strong enough to actually act out option 1. i undid my seat belt, opened that door and started walking down the median strip, door still open, horns beeping...i can't tell you the satisfaction i felt walking down that middle of the road. as people drove past me beeping and waving in camaraderie, i was like yessss.

but you see, that passenger knew how to play the game. as i was swinging my arms with glee walking down the road feeling a total sense of victory, the anger button was all of a sudden pushed deep and hard...up ahead in the distance, i could see that familiar passenger head. i was like what the fuck?? so i started running. running really, really fast towards that head. as i got closer, the head turned around (clearly my footsteps slightly familiar in sound) and said slow and stern 'um you better go get your car that is somewhere, doors open, keys in the ignition.' then turned back around and started casually walking away...BEATEN, so bad. off i went to try and find my car. it is funny how someone can steal all of your anger when you feel like you could have fuelled a nuclear weapon with it 5 minutes prior.

until today! it was back...standing at taylor square, whilst i was on the phone this guy walked past me. he stopped, walked back, stood literally 20cm away from me and went to pull the split that was down the front of my top, open...

i was like 'do you touch sculptures at the art gallery, NO! FUCK OFF' about 20 people turned around and looked at me as i screamed this...hmm, sticks and stones may, you know the rest...i don't know how good i would be in a dark alley, but damn i can yell loud. the aggression still exists. it just now gets used up on leechy strangers on the nod.