***dinner 3am mikey, bena, steve
Monday, June 29, 2009
number 166 let us have mayonnaise
hungry jacks would NOT let us have any mayonnaise NONE...so we got chucked out because steve through all of these chips on the customers below!
***dinner 3am mikey, bena, steve
***dinner 3am mikey, bena, steve
Sunday, June 28, 2009
number 165 jonny bulldozer
when your phone rings at 3am and it is a blocked number on a sunday night, usually it involves drunk overseas friends or drama - so i answered.
'hello is this ana?' a male voice said in a french accent...'yes' i answer...i really wish i could remember the whole conversation, because it was bend over backwards funny, but i was half asleep. last year i went through a stage of getting prank calls at similar times in the early morning. one of them involved a quiz, where i was to choose between contestants, 1, 2, or 3.
contestant 1 - was a 23 year old that like to cook sausages and smoke weed
contestant 2 - was a 21 year old that was unemployed but rode a skateboard
contestant 3 - was a 25 year old that was at uni and did something else that i can't really remember.
they all had a few other incredible attributes, but again i can't remember due to the time of the call. i went for contestant number one for old times sake - which proved to obviously be the right answer to the caller, because of hysterical high pitched laughing (from what sounded like not just 1, but multiple young males), as a result of my choice. when i asked 'how many people am i actually talking to, because, the person who now wants to know what i am doing at 2.10am sounds quite different to the quiz host?' more hysterical laughter, and then 'bahhhhhhhaaaaaa it's a 3 way ana - do you know what that is???' i could go so many ways with that question, so i thought what the heck 'why don't you come and show me...' somehow i don't think they were expecting that answer...phone slammed down. i go back to sleep.
so last nights call was sort of along those lines, but had a little more structure to it. i did check this morning to see if i had dreamt the whole thing, and there is a 4 minute phone conversation from a private number at 3am listed.
when i asked 'who is this', john answered...i was like 'john hey? i don't know if i know any john's but you do kind of sound familiar, could you give me some more information about yourself john...' 'did you call me asian?' john answered, 'no john i simply asked for some more INFORMATION about you as i can't really place you.' the french accent had slipped back to some sort of very youthful sydney tone at this stage, but then was right back on when he answered 'my name is jonny bulldozer,' 'oh right jonny bulldozer, still not coming to mind but anyway' i answer....this went on with me laughing at the silences in the conversation as jonny was obviously trying to think of what to come up with next.
'so are you going to tell me anything else or is that all jonny?' jonny responded that he was getting on his bulldozer as we were clearly wrapping this 3am conversation up and i didn't really think there were going to be any dirty innuendo's thrown my way, so i ask 'what are you going to do with that bulldozer jonny?...'
'I AM GOING TO RAM IT UP YOUR ASS, is what i am going to do with that bulldozer of mine!!!' slam down phone.
wowza's - i need to get up on the old prank phone call front, or maybe practise my street fighter tactics.
'hello is this ana?' a male voice said in a french accent...'yes' i answer...i really wish i could remember the whole conversation, because it was bend over backwards funny, but i was half asleep. last year i went through a stage of getting prank calls at similar times in the early morning. one of them involved a quiz, where i was to choose between contestants, 1, 2, or 3.
contestant 1 - was a 23 year old that like to cook sausages and smoke weed
contestant 2 - was a 21 year old that was unemployed but rode a skateboard
contestant 3 - was a 25 year old that was at uni and did something else that i can't really remember.
they all had a few other incredible attributes, but again i can't remember due to the time of the call. i went for contestant number one for old times sake - which proved to obviously be the right answer to the caller, because of hysterical high pitched laughing (from what sounded like not just 1, but multiple young males), as a result of my choice. when i asked 'how many people am i actually talking to, because, the person who now wants to know what i am doing at 2.10am sounds quite different to the quiz host?' more hysterical laughter, and then 'bahhhhhhhaaaaaa it's a 3 way ana - do you know what that is???' i could go so many ways with that question, so i thought what the heck 'why don't you come and show me...' somehow i don't think they were expecting that answer...phone slammed down. i go back to sleep.
so last nights call was sort of along those lines, but had a little more structure to it. i did check this morning to see if i had dreamt the whole thing, and there is a 4 minute phone conversation from a private number at 3am listed.
when i asked 'who is this', john answered...i was like 'john hey? i don't know if i know any john's but you do kind of sound familiar, could you give me some more information about yourself john...' 'did you call me asian?' john answered, 'no john i simply asked for some more INFORMATION about you as i can't really place you.' the french accent had slipped back to some sort of very youthful sydney tone at this stage, but then was right back on when he answered 'my name is jonny bulldozer,' 'oh right jonny bulldozer, still not coming to mind but anyway' i answer....this went on with me laughing at the silences in the conversation as jonny was obviously trying to think of what to come up with next.
'so are you going to tell me anything else or is that all jonny?' jonny responded that he was getting on his bulldozer as we were clearly wrapping this 3am conversation up and i didn't really think there were going to be any dirty innuendo's thrown my way, so i ask 'what are you going to do with that bulldozer jonny?...'
'I AM GOING TO RAM IT UP YOUR ASS, is what i am going to do with that bulldozer of mine!!!' slam down phone.
wowza's - i need to get up on the old prank phone call front, or maybe practise my street fighter tactics.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
number 163 im in a band
when someone says that to you when you politely ask them what they do it's kind of like oh yeh...cool - the end, i've heard that a million times. i am sure jimmy hendrix got asked that same question, to which in his little head he was always like, you just wait.
i was doing a random job in the freezing cold dead of winter in new york. i was in the basement of the maritime hotel, sticking stamps on these round sets of playing cards that they were sending out as their christmas presents. i used to get ishil to let me stick the stamps on the envelops at ksubs, i was like PLEASE let me not do anything but think about how neat i can stick this stamp on this envelope for just 5 minutes. well, when you have to stick literally a zillion stamps with absolute precision onto a round box in the freezing cold, and there is only one kind of person you maybe think you would like to talk to more, i guess it makes sheltered workshop seconds, maybe pass faster...this is when i met this guy.
there was a bunch of people that would come in to do this job with me, randomly, jen brill and lesley arfin were once upon a time down in this dungeon - why, i don't kind of know, i guess everyone starts off somewhere right?? i can't even remember his name. he invited me to a party, but i didn't go. i was like 'what is your band called', 'crystal stilts' he responds. 'what do you play?' i ask, 'i am the lead singer' he responds...
as i sit and play these songs over and over again almost 2 years after this conversation i do think, why you end up meeting people randomly and then somehow they become a removed part of your life. he asked me to tell him my favourite australian song, to which i responded 'i don't know if you will know it, but cattle and cane' he says 'the go betweens are one of my favorite bands' i now think hmm, maybe i should have gone to that party. ahh well.
it's funny who you meet along the way - but i LOVE this stuff...my stamp licking days have clearly not passed, but hey, here he is - not licking any stamps no more, well maybe on the off festival season he still does.
crystal stilts...
i was doing a random job in the freezing cold dead of winter in new york. i was in the basement of the maritime hotel, sticking stamps on these round sets of playing cards that they were sending out as their christmas presents. i used to get ishil to let me stick the stamps on the envelops at ksubs, i was like PLEASE let me not do anything but think about how neat i can stick this stamp on this envelope for just 5 minutes. well, when you have to stick literally a zillion stamps with absolute precision onto a round box in the freezing cold, and there is only one kind of person you maybe think you would like to talk to more, i guess it makes sheltered workshop seconds, maybe pass faster...this is when i met this guy.
there was a bunch of people that would come in to do this job with me, randomly, jen brill and lesley arfin were once upon a time down in this dungeon - why, i don't kind of know, i guess everyone starts off somewhere right?? i can't even remember his name. he invited me to a party, but i didn't go. i was like 'what is your band called', 'crystal stilts' he responds. 'what do you play?' i ask, 'i am the lead singer' he responds...
as i sit and play these songs over and over again almost 2 years after this conversation i do think, why you end up meeting people randomly and then somehow they become a removed part of your life. he asked me to tell him my favourite australian song, to which i responded 'i don't know if you will know it, but cattle and cane' he says 'the go betweens are one of my favorite bands' i now think hmm, maybe i should have gone to that party. ahh well.
it's funny who you meet along the way - but i LOVE this stuff...my stamp licking days have clearly not passed, but hey, here he is - not licking any stamps no more, well maybe on the off festival season he still does.
crystal stilts...
Monday, June 22, 2009
number 162 someone stole my gig
ok so i had so many beds that i slept in once upon a time...and my kind friend mr zawada money for brain and a real brain says to me 'you should make something out of all those beds you have slept in...' yep got to be fast on this earth...looks like someone has beaten me to it, AND for some reason i think he might be part of the yeah yeah yeahs, well really, i know he is part of the yeah yeah yeahs.
http://www.eviltwinpublications.com/BEDS_2.html
http://www.eviltwinpublications.com/BEDS_2.html
Saturday, June 20, 2009
number 160 scanwiches
Boneshakers: Club Racer: Tofurky & Tempeh Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato, Garlic Mayo on toasted whole grain
someone turned up to my house with a bunch of flowers and showed me this amazing blog...http://scanwiches.com/
when the flowers were handed to me, and i was like 'are these for me?', and their response was 'well who else would they be for?' with me saying, 'well i just thought they were maybe for your sick friend, or for your sister or someone.' to that response i got 'well haven't you been complaining about eating glass for days?' i was like oh yeh? i didn't think anyone listened anymore.
...damn i miss that stacked pretend meat and general tso's chicken.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
number 158 urban sore throat myths
i have been totally skint on the old blog front - but now that i sit with a sore throat for the first time in years wondering where and what i touched, ingesting the germs that have manifested in the back of my throat to make me feel like i have eaten nothing but plates of glass for the past 7 meals.
which leads me to remembering a story that was told to me in a time when all i ate was chips and all i drank were milkshakes. i love a good story so here goes...
this happened to a friend of a friend of mine, and it was told to me a while ago, so i'll try and remember the facts as best possible. so, this friend had an incredibly sore throat for an extended period of time, and had been given medication, but it was still not getting better. she decided to get a second opinion and this is when the interesting part started. the doctor examined her, but noted that there was some abnormality in what he could see even with his naked eye, so he decided to take a swap of her throat. she had been given antibiotics previously, but they had made no difference. a day went past and she received a call from the doctors office requesting her to come back in to discuss the results. the doctor asked many questions but they were all alluding to something vastly off the track of her sore throat. when he asked her if she was in a serious relationship, and how many people she had slept with over the last 6 months, she started to question the relevance to her sore throat.
'well, you see, you have a parasite that has nested in your throat. why i ask about your past sexual partners, is that, this parasite is only present in the decaying flesh of dead humans. and the only way this can be transmitted is through bodily fluids. it is essential that you get in contact with those partners, not only for the fact that the parasite if left untreated can leave permanent damage to the body, but also, it is a federal offense to be tampering with dead bodies.'
shocked and repulsed, she was handed a new medication...but also phoned max, the hot guy that worked in the morgue...
which leads me to remembering a story that was told to me in a time when all i ate was chips and all i drank were milkshakes. i love a good story so here goes...
this happened to a friend of a friend of mine, and it was told to me a while ago, so i'll try and remember the facts as best possible. so, this friend had an incredibly sore throat for an extended period of time, and had been given medication, but it was still not getting better. she decided to get a second opinion and this is when the interesting part started. the doctor examined her, but noted that there was some abnormality in what he could see even with his naked eye, so he decided to take a swap of her throat. she had been given antibiotics previously, but they had made no difference. a day went past and she received a call from the doctors office requesting her to come back in to discuss the results. the doctor asked many questions but they were all alluding to something vastly off the track of her sore throat. when he asked her if she was in a serious relationship, and how many people she had slept with over the last 6 months, she started to question the relevance to her sore throat.
'well, you see, you have a parasite that has nested in your throat. why i ask about your past sexual partners, is that, this parasite is only present in the decaying flesh of dead humans. and the only way this can be transmitted is through bodily fluids. it is essential that you get in contact with those partners, not only for the fact that the parasite if left untreated can leave permanent damage to the body, but also, it is a federal offense to be tampering with dead bodies.'
shocked and repulsed, she was handed a new medication...but also phoned max, the hot guy that worked in the morgue...
Saturday, June 6, 2009
number 155 back to censorship
ok may is over, and those who know all the finer details don't need to be reading second hand how i almost burnt down my house or about how pip was spotted eating a salad in surry hills (c/o sunday telegraph SPOTTED SECTION), you get the jist...so (unfortunately jo) maybe i am back to no names, or i just have to tell my own stories with a different pen name, we'll see.
not much has been happening in my old fun world...or maybe my stories have dried up. or maybe all my stories are now TOO private to be divulging...now that sounds way more interesting than some tits and ass photo's i intended to get multiples of for may...well maybe i will try for birthday suit shots - benedict looks like you're up first being you day of birth rapidly approaching this week.
not much has been happening in my old fun world...or maybe my stories have dried up. or maybe all my stories are now TOO private to be divulging...now that sounds way more interesting than some tits and ass photo's i intended to get multiples of for may...well maybe i will try for birthday suit shots - benedict looks like you're up first being you day of birth rapidly approaching this week.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)